I am scared of dying, and of other people dying, and about my life, especially my job, which in a way contains a concept of the future (too scary, cause the future ends in death). In a relationship, it's okay I guess, if I die first (a bit selfish). But how do I know when my partner will go first? Could be run over by a bus tomorrow, as the saying goes, which means I have to throw myself under a bus today. (my funeral song by Dido "My Life" is playing as I was writing the previous line!! Coincidence or what!! Creeeeepppy man!!)

It was a really depressing ride home today. Colleagues asked me out for dinner, but I declined knowing ultimately the conversation will be about the current situation at the office. I kept thinking about what I will be doing in 5 yrs from now, will I have a stable income, this , that and I was thinking, God, I'm a failure.